Chptr 3: buh-bye

WARNING! SECOND LONGEST POST EVER!

So chapter 3 is about nutrition. It’s talks about quantity vs quality, 7 vital nutrients that your body really needs, and the scientific data to support that conclusion. It was very informative! The chapter itself is thorough and well presented. I hope that I don’t dumb it down for you – I don’t mean to. I think this is where I get lost on some of the programs — because I think I’ve tried them all. 

Let me back up. I’m a SAHM. That means my budget is $0.00 for things that are not already included in my plan. The auther really pushes supplimentation and meal shakes and etc. I understand their importance, I really do, but it’s not something that’s possible for me. I don’t even have a multi-vitamin. The benefits of supplimentation is overwhelming and he spells it all out – what to buy, how much, what helps what. He’s very clear. However, even with my Costco card, I can’t get all the shit he lists. And he seems to be pretty clear that if you don’t take the suppliments then you are basically wasting your time. He says it nicely and tries to sound supportive. And I’ve been listening to Bill for years and watching his podcasts and listening to his interviews — I love him. He’s so fricken smart! But this really mind fucked my motivation and I don’t feel as confident about this program as I did yesterday. I have 800 books I want to read about making my health better, is this one that I want to stick with?

There is a real great quote though that I’m taking out of this chapter by Dr. Dean Radin, “Focused human intention is one of the most powerful forces on Earth.” It really struck a cord with me.

Another thing this chapter talks about it is the importance of a support system. Again, the information was well presented and scientifically supported. But I don’t have friends, my ma isn’t the supportive type and my dad is MIA. My older sister thinks the world revolves around what you look like and that I’m too far gone to help. My younger sister thinks I’m beautiful and perfect just the way I am and will bring me cheesecake to help me cope. My BF thinks I’m lovely (because that’s what I tell him). That’s pretty much everyone. My brother is indifferent, his wife is an excuse maker. My other friend thinks I have a great personality and I should focus on that. And all the rest of the people I know are under the age of 8. And say I’m a walrus and that’s fun to be (and that I wear rainbow pants).

So I tried to make new friends, right? Online at a few different workout/health based arenas. Not awesome. People who are in there, from what I can tell, are healthy people! They are the maintainers. Every now and again you get the one person who is there at the beginning of their journey to lose 15 pounds and how is she going to do it because she has a full Gen Ed schedule for her college semester… I thought, fuck this.I’m not 16 and all I have to worry about is Georgie in third period. And I’m not worried about getting my size 4 ass into a pair of size 2s. I’m a decent, thoughtful, grown woman with LIFE that I need to menuvour and then on top of that, rewrite everything I have ever known because it’s gotten me to where I never wanted to be.

Fuck you, Cindy Lou Who. You call me when you’re 39, 3 kids, and broke – then we can chat online about the trials of a healthy lifestyle.

I even went on http://www.bodybuilders.com and signed up for Bill’s ‘Back to Fit’ program. They have a community on there too that are there to support eachother etc. But again, full of ‘maintainers’ or those college kids who fake sincerity and swear it’s so tough for them to take a selfie while holding a dumbbell.

Talking with another friend of mine, he said he met quite a few friends on another app and maybe I could go there and see who I can meet. OMG BIG MISTAKE THAT WAS. So, within 15 minutes, I was voted most ‘liked’ (?), asked if my BF was okay with me being on that app, and propositioned for a foursome to try out some anal beads.

I am so not good at making friends.

I thought it would be a good idea then to open a place online of my own. A little group where people who had similar issues as I did would feel free to share and grow and seek assistance, or just to talk. But no one joined – even after like a month. It’s been like 4 months now and still no one so I’m going to take it down and stop getting my hopes up that I can actually find friends!

This blog seems to be a better fit for me. I tried writing a blog (a couple times) but I wasn’t honest in them. I kept editing out some or all information to make the posts less offensive or more palettable. I gave up on those because with all this aminimity, and I’m still afraid to speak my mind?!? (<– another side effect of my weight. When did I start giving a shit about what other people thought?)

So, that’s me.

I’m going to be done with this “Transformation” book for right now. When I am in a better position to where I can buy everything it tells me to buy, then I may go back. I really enjoyed the read, the information was thorough and well presented, not to mention that I already love Bill. I need to find something else. Something that can guide me to options in case I don’t have the lateral movement to buy-buy-buy.

I’m going to stick with my mindset lists because they really help to keep me focused. I’ve been writing them down on index cards so I can have them handy. I’m a little more manual – I like things written down, not plugged into my iPhone. I like the smell of paper, and graphite and ink. I have a desk calendar that I write my appointments in, I shit you not! I’ll be posting my Mindset for Wednesday next but I think this post has gone on long enough. A little disappointed but I’m going to keep trying to find a way – and I think that’s a good thing.

Take care everybody. And be kind.

The Trophy Wife

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