Cleaning Sucks

That’s it. Cleaning sucks. So I have been searching for ways to learn to do it more easily… still sucks. It wouldn’t suck as much if there weren’t 3 little people who follow me around purposely trying to make a mess. We could talk about that time I was cleaning the bathroom and smelled peanut butter so I go into the kitchen only to find the baby had taken the peanut butter and smeared it on every surface she could reach. Or while I was cleaning up peanut butter (it took 3 hours – the family room still smells like damn peanuts) and the baby decided to put toothpaste on her diaper rash… OMG. Or when the 8 YO thought that (raw) eggs would be a great joke in the sofa. Or when the 6 YO thought it would be fun to put the entire roll of TP into the toilet and flush it down…. I feel like all I do is fucking clean. 

I’ve learned the basics and since I have a ZERO budget, I have to keep things pretty simple and I have to make quite a bit of it. I have a swifer but I use a hand towel, soak it in water and Pine Sol and put it on my swifer head. Cleans the floor better than the swifer pads and faster than an actual mop.

Yesterday, I found a recipe for homemade fabreese. Bitchin, right? So you take those soap things from Downey (Unstoppables), a bit of baking soda, and a cup of hot water and you mix it all together until the unstoppables are completely dissolved. You put that into a spray bottle and then dilute the mixture with more hot water until the bottle is full.Bingo. Home made Fabreese. Mine wouldn’t spray out of the bottle. Then my kids shook it up and sprayed the clumpy water onto EVERYTHING. And you know what happens when you spray soap on everything? It gets filmy! I still have 2 loads of laundry to do to finishing cleaning it all up.

One thing that I do – well, I’ve always done – is I clean the kitchen stuff with cut lemons. I used to work in a kitchen and that’s where I learned that one. I clean everything with cut lemons. It’s easy for me because we have a big lemon tree. When the lemons are gone, I use the grapefruits – works just as good. You cut a lemon into fourths, then rub it on shit you want clean. Let it sit for a minute or so and then rinse. BOOM! So I will do that with pans and cutting boards. I freeze a couple of the lemon cuts and toss them into the disposal, then run it until there’s no more screaming lemons. Disposal: Clean. And it smells so nice! I cut a few up and just stick them in a bowl and it keeps the kitchen smelling nice and there are no chemicals.

Another thing I do is I skip sweeping. Fuck that. I’m supposed to sweep the whole house just to go back over it to mop?? We have all hardwood floors except in the family room. I skip the broom and go right to vacuuming. Get out my handy hose and in 15 minutes, I have vacuumed the whole house and I can move onto mopping.

I don’t have the time desire to do all this cleaning every day. It’s stupid. Who would want to do that everyday? I want to actually see the sun, so I’m always looking for cleaning hacks. Like when cleaning the bathroom, put in the toilet cleaner and the tub cleaner first and give it a chance to work. Then clean the mirrors and fixtures, clean the counter tops and cabinets. Clean the walls. THEN clean the toilet and tub. Save the floors for last ALWAYS and do all the floors at one time. Don’t clean the bathroom AND do the floors then go into the living room and do the floors there. It takes too much time.

What I did discover is that the easiest way to keep things clean is to make someone else do it. For instance: the 8 YO who has a mouth lately. So she says, “Why don’t you do it, mom?” I thought she was never going to be done cleaning. Ok, you can do the dishes. Everytime she tries to protest, she gets another thing to clean. I try to tell her that all she has to do is keep her mouth shut but if she doesn’t, she has to live with the concequences. But then the dishes are clean, the toys picked up, the floor swept, the beds made, I mean this will go on and on if she doesn’t button the ol’ lip. She’s at that age where she’s starting to test her independence, which I encourage. However, I will not tolerate a smart mouth. But I have to say, she’s making my job a bit easier! LOL

Anyway, I will continue my quest for cleaning until I can afford to have someone clean my house for me.

Take care everybody. And be kind.

The Trophy Wife


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