Slave to my Emotions…

So, this week I am undertaking this pretty huge change in my life this week. Though I haven’t been perfect (FAR from it), I have tried and grown (in little ways) closer to my goals. AND BONUS! I have come one pound closer to where I want to be. BOOM BABY! Trying to keep a check on my emotional eating, I really, really do my best to understand the triggers. 

Today. Today was BIGGEST TRIGGER DAY. And it all centered around my BF.

I love my BF very much. We have 3 beautiful (wild) children, and a life we have built on 15 years of understanding and respect. Sometimes, I just want to punch his face in.

Without getting into the details, we had a fight today. Not the first. Won’t be the last. It was brutal. He left pissed.I left pissed. It’s been hours and I’m STILL PISSED. Though we have our own process of working out conflict, we only yell/scream at each other MAYBE once a year. Usually, we can be civil, decent human beings. Today was not that day of dignity.

Anyway, it’s like a switch. He knows how to push my buttons straight from, “Let’s come together and compromise” to “Fuck it, we have a big enough backyard for a body.” With that – we’ll call it F.I.A. (Fuck It Attitude) – comes a FIA to EVERYTHING. Clothes need folding? FIA. Dishes to be washed? FIA. Bathroom is flooded and needs a plumber asap? FIA. That bled into the fridge and I ended up eating ice cream, a cheese sandwich bagel thing, powdered donuts, and about 3 bags of popcorn. Oh, and we won’t talk about the pancakes.

I did drink 1/2 cup of water. See? FIA.

Just thinking about the fight this morning makes me SO MAD! I’ve been cleaning all day just to keep me from ringing his neck! He’s not a dick. He was just on one this morning and it was bullshit.

The questions is: How to get back on track?

I threw my list out when he left (FIA kicked in). I need to stop this trigger. I need to refocus. It’s 930pm and I feel like I will be up all night because I’m so wound up. Okay, this is my plan:

  1. I’m going to work out again. I got in a walk this morning but I’m going to put in my little video and workout.
  2. I’m going to write down (not type but physically write on paper) every reason I have to keep going towards my goals.
  3. I’m going to read The Secret again to help me with my frequency. Brooding in this negative state isn’t helping anything or anyone.

Once I go through this ’emergency contingency plan’ (or my ECP), I will post my mindset goals for tomorrow. I will keep my ECP list on the back of my mindset plan to help keep me focused. I imagine this fight is going to last a couple days.

Take care everybody. And be kind.

The Trophy Wife

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