Until May 2015, I was a worker bee. At 38, I had a job of 10 years I was great at, 3 lovely children, and my boyfriend of 14 years. Wonderful! I wasn’t taught by my parents how to be domesticated in the slightest- I was to bring home the bacon. And I loved it.
Let me tell you the shock when I got fired.
After consideration, my BF and I decided that me going back to work wasn’t really an option for us. The sitters alone would cost more than I would bring in. That started my new position: Home Maker.
I detested it. I wasn’t made to ‘make homes’ I was made to work at a job. Depression kicked in and for the last year, I have eaten myself into a shadow of who I used to be. I gained 70 pounds. I was ALWAYS yelling at the kids and my BF (he had it coming most times!). I lost the love I had for music and art and creativity.
I didn’t get out of bed most days.
It wasn’t until my daughter colored a picture of a walrus and said she wanted to be fat like me. My heart broke. And for the last 3 months, I’ve been trying to make changes without success. I thought I could go it alone. I can’t. And so this blog was created.
My goal is to recreate myself in a way that is conducive to who I feel I am. I’m 39 now, and the kids are 8, 6, and 2. I live in a Rockabilly sense and embrace vintage and retro ideals (to an extent). Since I don’t have a ‘go to job’ anymore and being a SAHM isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, I realize I need to change my approach to my new position in my life so I can be happy with it. I need to be the best SAHM I can be. Perfect? No. Just the best that I can be.
What that means to me is that I keep a home environment that makes my family excited to come home to. Things I need to ‘become’ to achieve that:
- Get my weight under control.
- Learn how to cook (Really. I can’t make soup. Unless it’s carrot soup in a crock pot –> but that was more like an accident anyways).
- A strict but understanding and fair Mary Poppins of a mom… Most of the time though, my favorite word starts with an ‘F.’
- Keep a tidy and healthy home.
Now, since I have NEVER done this shit before for an extended period of time, it’s more than a challenge; this is a complete upheaval of everything I was taught. Instead of retraining myself, I am going to use my honed-in skills of organization, prioritization, and diplomatic abilities to get me moving in the right direction.
Another purpose for the blog is that I don’t have friends. I have my friends from long ago who I keep in touch with and one GF that I chat with about once a week. That’s it. I spend a great deal of my time at home with (what feels like) 80 kids. My friends don’t want to go through the Kinder-care phase anymore. They want to cougar around now. So an emotional support group, I don’t have.
My BF also shares the rockabilly passion but with a little more enthusiasm for the 1950’s family unit. The ladies stay home and take care of (really) everything in an isolated environment while Mister just goes to work and comes home and that’s it. Not my vision of my new role of being a SAHM. So we split the difference and though we butt heads over some points, we always come together in the end. Which is nice because I would hate to have to kill him.
But that’s about it! I want to take this time I get to be a SAHM and make it an opportunity for me to grow as a woman, a parent, a partner, and part of a family. Move Over, Stepford Wife, it’s Mama’s turn now.